Readings: 1 Kings 19:4-8; Psalm 34; Ephesians 4:30 – 5:2; John 6:41-51
Every day we have plenty of opportunities to get angry, stressed, or offended. Perhaps on the way to church today we got angry in traffic, or even before we left home we allowed something to surface that has been just simmering for a long time. Anger can be like a bomb that is ready to explode. Others can sense this and may avoid us because they are afraid. Or, it may be a loved one who has this pent up anger, and we do not know how to approach them, how to defuse the bomb. There can be no peace when we live in a minefield. Then some people always seem angry and continuously look for conflict. Don’t take this personally; the battle they are fighting isn’t with you, it is with themselves.
St. Paul understands the damage these strong emotions can do and so he writes to the Ephesians and implores his community not to grieve the Holy Spirit. He instructs them not to indulge in any bitterness that gives rise to anger, malice, and shouting. Paul realized that allowing negative emotions is giving something outside ourselves power over our happiness. We can choose not to let things upset us, but how? Paul wisely instructs his community to practice kindness with one another. By being compassionate and forgiving of one another, as God has forgiven us, we can be imitators of Christ. This takes practice, and as it was for Christ, it means making the sacrifice of handing ourselves over in submission to the other. This can only be accomplished through sincere prayer and compassionate listening.
First realize that if a person’s speech is full of anger, it is because he or she suffers deeply. Like Elijah, they may be at the end of their rope feeling trapped by their own negative opinions they have of themselves and others. We may be the one who can offer them solace by our presence and refreshment by our patient listening. Then perhaps, like Elijah, they can continue the journey to God strengthened by our acts of kindness. This will also be an opportunity for us to reconcile with them anything we may have done to contribute to their suffering. This is what Paul means by living as beloved children of God in loving relationships. He writes, “With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3)
By listening with compassion, we can help the other person to suffer less. Compassion means to suffer with, and in sharing the other person’s suffering from deep listening and with patience we begin to lessen their suffering. This is not easy because it requires patient practice. If we can sit down quietly and listen compassionately to that person for one hour, we can relieve a lot of suffering. Listen without judgment to allow the other person to express himself and find relief from his suffering. Keep compassion alive during the whole time of listening. Our listening must be active listening where we are engaged with our whole body; ears, eyes, and mind. If we are not engaged the other person will sense it, and he will not find relief from his suffering.
One way to maintain compassionate listening is through mindful breathing. Mindful breathing will help us stay focused on the desire to help him find relief, in this way we will be able to maintain our compassion while listening. This practice is an active prayer to elevate another’s suffering and the anger that arises from suffering. Mindful breathing is to breathe in consciously with the awareness that the air is entering our body, and to breath, out consciously is to know that our body is exchanging air. In this way, we are in contact with the air, our body, and those around us. Because of this, we are attentive to our mind and the emotional state of the other. One conscious breath and we are in contact with everything around us, three conscious breaths and we maintain contact and can relieve suffering and the anger it spawns. To practice this kindness with one another, we can be imitators of Christ.
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