Have you ever awoken from a dream and didn’t realize that you were still asleep? This happened to me last Saturday night. As I awoke, within my dream, someone was handing me a book entitled FEAR. I said to myself, “This was just the book I was looking for.” It would answer my most burning questions. Then I awoke and realized it was just a dream – or was it?
The more I thought about this brief dream the more I came to understand something about myself. I was looking for the answer to why I had doubted my own faith. My fear kept me from trusting in God’s love. My lack of trust in God had kept me from turning my life over to God. I felt that this imagined book would allow me to understand my fear and why I am stuck just short of joy and living life fully. This insight made me realize that I was on the verge of a miracle. All I needed to do was to trust God and accept the love of Jesus Christ crucified.
The line in the Gospel story of the Transfiguration that strikes at the center of my dilemma is, “He hardly knew what to say, they were so terrified.” (Mark 9:6) I often wondered why Peter, James, and John were so full of fear at so beautiful a sight and so deep an insight on that mountaintop. After this dream I understood for the first time what was holding me back. I am like any of Jesus’ followers, we all want assurances that His message it true and reliable. When they were confronted with indisputable proof, they pull back in fear. Why?
If our faith in God’s grace is true, and Jesus’ love is unconditional, then we need to listen to this Beloved Son. For most of us, if we listen to His word, believe what we hear, and put it into practice, then everything will change. More than a simple change of life style, we would experience a radical transformation of our lives. It means that my life is no longer about me. It means living my life for others. The frightening aspect of this prospect causes me to doubt if I have what it takes to make this commitment. I ask myself, “Can I do this?’ And I pull back in fear, as I have done so many times before. Just like the official who asks Jesus, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Ultimately Jesus’ answer is, “Come, follow me.” The official walks away sad, for he had many competing possessions. (cf Luke 18:18-23)
Like the father of the possessed boy who exclaims, “I do believe Lord, help me in my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24), I too have a possessed boy; he is inside me and I want him exorcised. Do I have the faith to allow the healing grace that comes from trust in God’s love? Can I be like Abraham, and be willing to turn over my son to God? “God did not spare his own Son” …will he not also give us everything else along with him?” (Romans 8:32) After 40 years in the desert, am I ready to enter the Promised Land?
Don’t lose heart; we are never ready to trust God on our own volition. It is only by the grace of God that we will find the courage to step into the unknown of a future that is not ours. My question is, “Am I ready to surrender my dreams of success in this life for a future Kingdom that is ‘already, but not yet?’” All my own efforts to be the ‘good son’ fall short of what God wants to do in my life. Can I let go of my imagined future in exchange for the everlasting love of God? If I do surrender to God it will mean that I have finally come to my senses. It will mean letting go of my small life where I rely on my abilities, possessions, and realize that I have always been a beloved son, not because of anything I have done, but because of who God is. I am beginning to realize that I don’t have to be good for God to love me – God loves me so I can be good.
God has created us with the gifts necessary to play our role in God’s plan. We need to trust in God and believe that his grace is true. Our assurance is faith in the life, death, and resurrection of His beloved son Jesus.
Our Deepest Fear
By Marianne WilliamsonOur deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
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